The Cinematic Titanic School Of Bad Filmmaking
How to make a film the MST3K alums will notice (not that they really want you to)
by: Erik Adams

Despite spending the better parts of their careers in the murkiest depths of the celluloid swamp, Joel Hodgson and Mary Jo Pehl have nothing but respect for the bad films they’ve inflicted both on themselves and the viewers of Mystery Science Theater 3000 andCinematic Titanic. “I think when we’re riffing, people might think we’re trying to be snarky, when actually we have great affection for all these movies,” Pehl says. “It’s not easy to make a movie. It’s not easy to make a great movie. And believe it or not, it’s not easy to make a bad movie.” To prove Pehl's point—and with the caveat that the cast hates to see filmmakers tank their movies on purpose—Deciderpresents this crash course for wannabe Ed Woods trying to bungle their way into Cinematic Titanic's repertoire, courtesy of Hodgson and Pehl. (For further study, catch Cinematic Titanic tomorrow night at the Paramount.)

Basic criteria
Mary Jo Pehl: There has to be enough space between the dialogue for us to plug a comment in. You also have to be able to see the movie. Some of these older or poorly done films, they couldn’t afford lighting packages, so you can’t see what’s going on onscreen. You have to be able to see something to remark on it.
The visuals

Joel Hodgson: I think it’s so much about what’s on the screen. That’s where 60 or 70 percent of what we do is really happening.

Decider: Can you think of any specific examples?
JH: This movie we’re writing right now called Brides Of Blood Island has the worst monster I’ve ever seen in film. He’s just this green, gooey monster. And there’s a moment—I don’t want to give too much of it away, because I think we’re going to do it in Seatlle—where he finally gets killed, and he turns back to his pre-mutated self, and he’s got pants on all of a sudden. I guess it’s like the Hulk, right? Like he became Bruce Banner and his pants were okay. But it’s one of those things where you just have to say, “Geez, how’d his pants get there?”

MJP: I continue to be fascinated by these futuristic movies where women are still put in really restricting, revealing costumes, because I can tell you that is not the way of the future. [Laughs.]

D: Is it too easy to pick on special effects?
MJP: I think it is now, because of how far special effects have come in the last 10 to 15 years. When we were on Mystery Science Theater, we would do these Rocky Jones movies, and you could clearly see the string holding the cardboard spaceship through a star field that was just velvet with holes poked through it, and a light shining behind. And we have a real affection for that, because they were doing the best they could with the budget they had and the tools they had.

D: What about movies like Doomsday Machine, which can’t seem to keep its spaceships straight?
MJP: [Laughs.] Yeah, they sort of quilted together all the special effects with no rhyme or reason for continuity. That is something we sink our teeth into. When we sense that the filmmaker just didn’t care, we’re going to go after that.